I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
