so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
