id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize