someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
