the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
sarcasm needs its own font
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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