I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I believe in your delicious
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
