I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
