Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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