Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
