I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
