How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
