The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
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we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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