he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
