how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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