She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
