Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize