Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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