someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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