I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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