NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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