i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Hippo gnu deer
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
