As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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