Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
