So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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