Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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