Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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