Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
