I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
