Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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