she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
