Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
