the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
