dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize