I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
