Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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