Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
foreskin is a definite game changer
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
