Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
