So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
