oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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