Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
