chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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