Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize