I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
