This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
