Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
