direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
