i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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