That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
