i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
