After last night, I could never be a politician.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
