Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
