Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
