I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
