...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
