Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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