weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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