I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
