My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
