I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
