He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
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Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
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You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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