sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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