the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
