we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
