Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
