did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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