Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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